The kind of name-brand clothing I wear is very expensive. See these Karl Kani jeans? Eighty-eight dollars. Would I spend that kind of money on a pair of jeans if I were poor? Of course not. If I were poor, I’d think $88 was way too much to spend on a pair of jeans that, with the exception of a tiny Karl Kani logo embroidered on the front right pocket, are practically indistinguishable from a plain old pair of $25 Levi’s. But I don’t think that’s too much to spend because, for a well-off person like myself, money is no object.

Sure, I make $5.90 an hour at Taco Bell, but that couldn’t possibly be my only source of income, could it? If my total weekly take-home pay were only $175, why in the world would I spend practically that much on a Nautica sweater and pair of Timberlands? That would mean I’d have spent 40 hours slinging Chalupas just for that one shopping trip to the mall. That’d just be plain stupid. So, obviously, I must be rolling in dough. And I am. You can tell by my special non-poor-people clothing.

Yes, it’s obvious that I’m not like all those other losers who are working at Taco Bell and living with their moms. No, I’m a player. Take, for example, my socks. If I didn’t have money to burn, I certainly wouldn’t spend $22 for a pair of basic white athletic socks with a teeny-tiny Calvin Klein “CK” on them, would I? Of course not. I’d need to save my cash to get my telephone reconnected, or to pay off my loitering fine, or to help out my mom with the grocery bill. But, luckily, I’m not in that situation, and everyone knows it just by looking at my clothes.

I’ll admit it: A lot of people here on the South Side are poor. In fact, most of my relatives are poor, including my mother and all my siblings. Knowing that, you might assume that I don’t have that much money, either. But just look at these Lugz boots. And look at this Sean John baseball cap. They prove that I’m in an entirely different social class from my relatives, as well as from all those suckers who ride the bus with me every day.

Except for Angela, that is. I met her Monday on the C-route. She clearly belongs to a higher class of people like myself. I could tell because she was decked out from head to toe in expensive gear: Fubu jersey, Pepe jeans, and Fila shoes, not to mention a big gold chain around her neck. Angela was holding her two-year-old son, but he obviously isn’t placing much of a financial strain on her, as he was wearing a complete matching Abercrombie & Fitch outfit, which must have cost around $140. Recognizing how much Angela and I had in common, I asked her out on the spot. We went to dinner at Denny’s that very same night

Downtown Aberdeen deteriorated when the South Slum Mall opened in the 80’s turning it into the desolate place it is today. Former store owner Chad Willis said “We had our store downtown, things were great. Then that damn mall came and everybody jumped ship & deserted us.” he continued, “So we relocated to the mall, then Wal Mart opened and people deserted us again!”
Many merchants had to move out of the Slum Mall due to the insanely high lease agreements. Some relocated while others couldn’t compete with the worlds biggest retailer and closed their doors.

Answering the beckoning call of the city council, were two area businesses. Coffee mega giant Starbucks & retail giant Wal Mart. “Starbucks and Wal Mart are the only places people go anymore, anyway” council person, Shelly Lip told us. “I mean, think about it.  Self-absorbed, narcissistic people go to Starbucks for a false image of importance to themselves & others, and local businesses die when Wal Mart comes to town anyway, so it’s just a matter of time. Plus, people actually ‘get ready’ to go to Wal Mart. This is going to be great!”

In a 9 to 1 vote, every vacant store in the downtown area will be a Starbucks or Wal Mart in an “every other” order. The lone opposing vote was from Pulitzer Prize recipient Professor Jim Hagger who said during the vote, “I cannot believe you are entertaining the thought of this. It is absolutely ridiculous to do this” He was then stoned by council members and those in attendance.

The building conversions have already begun with an estimated completion of two weeks.

“There Natalie and I were at Trattoria Il Panino, candles flickering and soft music playing. But somehow, the conversation kept turning back to the upcoming print campaign for [anti-fungal medication] Lamisil,” the 32-year-old Rolen said. “Then it hit me: This is a business meeting.”

Cooper, 26, and Rolen met last November when Cooper was transferred from Novartis’ Florham Park, NJ, office, where she spent three years as marketing manager for the company’s line of CIBA Vision contact lenses. Upon arriving in Grays Harbor, she was teamed with Rolen to head up the Lamisil campaign, and the two began spending a great deal of time together.

“Sure, everything we did was on the clock, but we were getting along really great–cracking each other up all the time and teasing each other about little things,” Rolen said. “You know how it goes, sort of flirting but never saying anything too over the line. Then, one day, Natalie made a comment about how married she’s been to our project, saying she really needed a night out on the town. I thought maybe that was her way of telling me she wanted to be more than friends.”

While in Cooper’s cubicle Monday going over ad specs, Rolen asked her to join him for dinner the next night. Noting how stressful it is to work against a deadline, Rolen suggested the two “get together and talk over some good food.” Cooper agreed, and the pair met at Trattoria Il Panino at 7 p.m.

“As we were sitting there, I kept asking her all these questions about where she grew up and what kind of music she likes,” Rolen said. “Then she’d turn around and ask me if I thought our media buys were too heavily concentrated in general-interest magazines. For some reason, I didn’t catch on. I thought she was nervous and couldn’t think of anything else to talk about.”

Continued Rolen: “When I suggested we get some wine, Natalie said she wanted to ‘keep a clear head’ so we could really ‘plow through this thing.’ Looking back, I guess I should have seen that as a sign.”

Rolen finally realized he was not on a date shortly after finishing the appetizers. “When the waiter cleared our gnocchi,” he said, “Natalie took out a stack of papers and said, ‘Well, should we get started?’ I was like, ‘On what?’ She just laughed and said, ‘Yeah, I wish I could forget about it, too.’”

The pair spent the next two hours working out details of the Lamisil campaign. While doing so, Rolen also dissected the evening’s earlier exchanges in his head.

“I realized there were a bunch of times I must have looked like a real weirdo,” Rolen said. “Like, she said to me, ‘You look nice. Are you going somewhere later tonight?’ and I said, ‘Yeah, I’ve got another date.’”

As the evening wore on, Rolen became increasingly paranoid that Cooper would discover his original romantic intentions.

“Thinking I was covering my tracks, I said I had a thing for our supervisor, Michaela [Torres],” Rolen said. “I started babbling about how I like to date Hispanic women, because I find them very ‘earthy’ and ’spiritual.’ I was out of control.”

The final blow came toward the end of the meal. When Rolen insisted upon paying, Cooper relented but reminded him to save the receipt for reimbursement.

“By the time the check came, it was long clear that we were not on a date, but the save-your-receipt thing still hurt,” Rolen said. “I wound up leaving the waiter an extra-big tip because I’d asked him to seat us at a private table next to the fireplace in their back room, which was closed off that evening. Actually, it proved really useful to have the extra space to spread out all our folders and printouts.”

Compounding Rolen’s embarrassment was the fact that he had spent much of Tuesday thinking about and preparing for the evening’s non-date.

“I was so excited all day,” Rolen said. “When I got home from work, I cleaned my apartment from top to bottom, just in case she wanted to drop by afterwards. I even got a haircut during my lunch hour. God, I’m pathetic.”

Fortunately, the evening has not damaged the colleagues’ working relationship, and Cooper remains blissfully unaware of the aborted wooing.

“That was a great idea to get together and finish up that project,” Cooper told Rolen as they parted ways for the night. “I am so relieved to finally be done with that. Aren’t you?”

* The permanent shutdown of the Aberdeen sawmill with a capacity to produce 200 million board feet of lumber.
* The permanent shutdown of the Pacific Veneer mill in Aberdeen. The mill has the capacity to produce 210 million square feet of veneer.

Apparently, no one will ever need sawn lumber again…